As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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