I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
