How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
