well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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