I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
