I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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