We won't sleep together?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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