Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We talked him into tasing himself.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
