she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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