The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
