i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
