ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
