i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize