Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize