i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
