that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
