Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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