My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
