I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
