awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
