I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize