i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize