i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
