Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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