Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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