so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
