Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize