dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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