i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
