1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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