I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize