Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
