Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
