I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
