ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize