i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
