I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
