i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
