is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
