I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize