No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
