Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
