Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Drunk is not a location!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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