I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
