Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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