There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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