dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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