I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
