her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm too high and old for this...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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