So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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