walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
