oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
and you fell through a lawn chair
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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