I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
