3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
