anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
