Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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