Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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