I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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