Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
