Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
