He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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