I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
