His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
