Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
