This house was built for laser tag.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
as a side note pls kill me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
