your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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