Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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