I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
