watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
